Three is more to a man

After the events of this past week concerning Pastor Wade, I have been evaluating my postings and the labels I have placed upon myself in the past. My path of spiritual growth is not unlike many others who have not settled for any one particular denomination, label, or position to define myself by. Maybe I can best relate to Bonno's song, "I still haven't found what I am looking for."

Some of the labels I have worn come close. I have called myself conservative on many an occasion. My heart lays in many areas along side political and theological conservatism. But at its root, conservatism is merely a resistance to change. There is a presuposition that the reason not to change is that one has arrived at ultimate truth and has built his house in brick upon that truth. There are many things in my life that I can say I hold as ultimate truth. But I also have to say that the number of those things seems to get smaller as I get older rather than larger. So my willingness to hold ground and resist change also shrinks.

Those who know me best, actually know me at all know that if there is one thing that I am not is "resistant to change." As a matter of a personal mission statement transformation is the core of my world view. I don't want to stay the same...ever! I always want to be molded ever closer to the image of my creator.

Transformation has not always been at the core of my being. As a young Southern Baptist at Oklahoma Baptist University I was as conservative as they come. I towed the party line, I voted the way I should have voted, I had no room in my heart for those who fell outside of my elitist little bubble. Eventually my heart betrayed me and I realized that no one could measure up to my ideals, least of all me. My first act of true transformation was not unlike Isaiah before the temple of the lord. I became emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually undone. It was a personal disintegration if you will.

(A side note on integrity) Integrity is more than doing the right thing when no one is looking. True integrity is saying what you believe, doing what you believe, believing what you say and having all aspects of your life behave in a consistent pattern. Thus to have integrity one must have their belief system integrated in all aspects of their life.

pharisees' have the least integrity. They want so badly to be holy, that they push themselves to outwardly show only holiness, meanwhile on the inside they are defiled, and they know it. This knowledge pushes them on and on to look more holy on the outside, and before long there is a complete rift between the quest for holiness and the facade that must be maintained in order to be perceived as holy.

All of this is to say that the best thing that can happen to a pharisee is to undergo transformation. The first step is to come to the end of yourself and realize that you are unable to put the puzzle together by yourself. That's where the blood of Jesus takes over. He is the propitiation for our sin. If we were able to achieve holiness by our selves there would have been no need for Christ to die on the cross.

This is why transformation is so essential. If we ever get to the point where we cease to change we have either assumed room temperature or we have decided that we have arrived and therefore Christ is no longer necessary.

This is why I have become leery of labeling myself a conservative. It has nothing to do with my views on the inerrancy of scripture, baptism, abortion, or taxes which happen to align with most conservatives. I would much rather be known as Leo the vicar of truth, rather than Leo the Conservative. That way when God opens my eyes to the fact that my earnestly held beliefs are wrong, I may humbly accept the facts and undergo yet another transformation.